An international crisis was not something I feared would occur while I was studying abroad. Further, being in the city, while it was happening, was quite frankly something I never would have imagined; yet that is exactly what happened.
The attacks, which took place in Paris last week, are the type of tragedy you cannot prepare yourself for. Even if I had been able, I still don’t think my reaction or my subsequent emotions would be any different than they were in that moment, and are now.
I don’t want this blog post to be a play by play of what we (my best and I) experienced over the span of 36 hours. Instead, I want it to be about what this truly awful act made me realize.
I spent Friday evening at a lovely Christmas Market, browsing trinkets, riding a hilariously cheesy carnival ride and eating more churros than one (with celiac disease) should ever consume. My heart was full with good company, festive cheer and simply living in the moment, until our friend, whom is in Paris for the semester, started receiving mass texts one after the other about the terror unravelling. After watching and hearing hundreds of police and emergency vehicles zoom with blaring sirens through the streets, it became clear that something was very wrong. Without a working phone, and with hundreds of people milling about the market as if nothing had happened, at least that they were aware of, I felt my stomach drop and an anxiety I’ve never felt began to grow.
Terrible things can happen at anytime, anywhere and to anyone and I think often times the possibility doesn’t even cross our minds. When I finally got in touch with my parents they were panicking, as were many of my friends and it quickly made me realize how scary it would be not knowing if someone I cared for was okay. We should never take the time we have with loved ones for granted and should always, always tell them how much they mean to us. I thought about how fortunate I have been to travel abroad, how blessed I am to receive such an incredible education and of all the opportunities and experiences that I have had. The same is not the case for everyone, we should all be eternally thankful and humbled.
I now better understand my emotions from that night and the following days when simply walking down the street and using public transportation was uncomfortable. My heart aches for those who were the victims of such cruelty and violence, and I am filled with sorrow for those who will never hold their loved ones again. My heart breaks for a world where such violence, cruelty, hate and terror are believed to be the answer to a world in crisis. I am filled with grief, frustration and confusion for a world that has so much potential but has allowed the cultivation of such atrocities and inhumane acts to grow. Yet, I still have so much hope for our world and I refuse to give in to terror. Humanity is being challenged every day, humans everywhere are struggling and something must be done. I pray for the day when love becomes more powerful than hate.
We must not let fear rule us. We must continue to live. We must continue to grow, promote change and do good.