“You know those ducks in that lagoon right near Central Park South? That little lake? By any chance, do you happen to know where they go, the ducks, when it gets all frozen over? Do you happen to know, by any chance?” I realized it was only one chance in a million.”
-Holden Caulfield, The Catcher in the Rye
lok up
For those of you who may not be aware, today was the Community Welcome Day at The Lock Up Contemporary Art Space in Newcastle, Australia. It was a day full of excitement and community as Newcastle welcomed in refugee families into the area, inviting them to indulge in all of the beauty and opportunity that this lovely city has to offer. The event was all about showcasing what this city was capable of while inviting everyone together as a community for comradery and merriment. There were heaps and heaps of food and drink, performances by eclectic and energetic musicians, and the chance for kids to make an art project about neighbors. Naturally, I was magnetized to the arts and crafts table.
The prompt was for kids to come in and make a collage or drawing about their neighbors and what neighbors are like. Grabbing my own piece of paper and a pair of scissors, I took a seat amongst a group of the children, integrating myself into their little community they had created. Asking them about their projects and design choices, I felt completely in my element. As Forrest Gump would say, I was ‘a duck in water.’ Hopping from one group of kids to another and challenging them to explain their works and what inspired them, in my mind I was transported back home where I would often be found facilitating art projects at OCA.
While in the process of deciding whether or not I would go abroad, one of the biggest challenges I had was that of willingly leaving my community partner for six months. It was unfathomable for me to decide to go abroad and leave my work and my OCA family behind. OCA is my baby and you don’t just abandon your baby for six months while you adventure the great unknown of Australia. It was pure sacrilege. This feeling has stayed with me, forming a weight in my chest that I continue to carry, reminding me of the family I had temporarily left behind every time a memory of them is conjured up.
Sometimes I feel like I am the worse person in the world for having taken a leave of absence from OCA. ‘Someone who truly loves there partner will make sacrifices for them,’ I would tell myself, twisting the knife that I had driven into my own chest. But at other times I understood that this was a leave that I needed. Starting a program from scratch, and with little to no experience in creating any sort of art program before, I was always hyperaware of how I taught. I was self conscious, often times so critical of myself and of my inability to perform to the highest of standards that it would lead me down a rabbit hole of depression. I felt inadequate, incapable, disappointing. There was no way that anything I was doing was actually making an impact. I still sometimes wonder why they keep me around, since they could surely find someone with more experience and who was more efficient than myself. Although I try to nip these in the bud as much as possible.
mura birdDetail of Francisco de Mura’s Allegory of Charity
I’m not sure if you are aware of this, but when facilitating an arts and crafts project with kids, or with anyone for that matter, there is often times a point where someone will need encouragement because someone at some point told them they weren’t good enough. My experience today was no exception. Today, interacting with the kids, I was constantly trying to reassure everyone that even if your giraffe took a little longer to draw, and looks a little different than someone else’s giraffe, that it doesn’t mean that you don’t have a wonderful and amazing giraffe. As I said these things, I felt everything ricochet back at me, thump me in the forehead, trying to convince me to take my own advice. If I wouldn’t let my new friends doubt their abilities, why on earth would I allow myself to doubt my own? The only thing that stood in our way was realizing that we were, in fact, fully capable of drawing a fox, collaging a tree, or folding an airplane. Even if it wasn’t conventional, we let our creativity be our guide and gave ourselves permission to stylize. Even though it may take one person more attempts than the other to perfect their craft, the process of learning, failing, and learning again was what was important and was what made the difference.
After my experience today, I realize how necessary it was for me to take this break. Having had this opportunity to integrate myself in my new community here in Newcastle, I have been reminded of the reality of my abilities and of what it feels like to be kind to myself in the face of challenges. With only a little over two months left here in Australia, my heart has begun to feel that familiar sting as it anticipates my departure from the family and community I have built here. Being in Australia has been wonders of fun with little vignettes of anxiety, reflection, and enlightenment. However, nothing compares to the family and community that I have built back home, that waits for me on the other side of the world, patiently, as I bask in the wonder of Australia, soaking up all there is to learn, so that I can offer it to them when I return.
Until Next Time….