Is identity something that we are born with, an innate quality of our existence, or is it a malleable, ever changing byproduct of experience? There are some aspects of our being that I would suggest many of us understand as being constants in our life: a particular interest, a general aura, a certain way we deal with problems, etc. Yet, as much as many of us would like to believe that our Identities are constant, reliable facts of our existence, I would venture to suggest quite the opposite.
In Analogue, Chance, and Memory (2011) , Michael Newman presents an idea about the role of memory when interacting with the analogue. As he describes it :
“The analogue recording is an index of what it records, a trace that is contingent. Something is an indexical trace when it is produced by contact with that which it leaves.”
Our lives and identities are no different. Our identities are indexical traces of every moment we experience, every book we read, every person we love. As a result, we are condemned with an index of a past we cannot eradicate, but blessed with the knowledge that we are not finite beings. Every moment is another chance to take the reigns in deciding who you are and who you will be. This consciousness of knowing we can take responsibilities for the enactment of our identities, is yet another level of condemnation, forcing us to look in the mirror and be fully present as we make our choices .
“Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does”
- Jean Paul Sartre
Being a foreigner abroad tends to make a person hyperaware of who they are. There are few days that pass where something doesn’t stick out as being distinctly Other about myself. This tends to be something distinctly American, like last night when I was struck with looks of bewilderment as I referred to the “sorority squat.” It has forced me into realizing how I speak, dance, think, etc. At times, like a deer in headlights, I become paralyzed by the face of reality, stuck where I stand. (I believe some people refer to this as culture shock, perhaps I am wrong.) At other times, I laugh it off and keep on truckin’.
While I have been constantly smacked in the face with my own Americanness, these heightened states of awareness make me focus more on the more subtle characteristics of my identity. This especially applies to how I think and how I perform those thoughts, theories, and beliefs. Over time, I’ve become more aware of the things that make me great and the things that make me not so great. As part of being here, I’ve started to unveil my own prejudices, realize the discrepancies in how I treat some people with more empathy than others. I’ve noticed that I am more susceptible to falling prey to the attractiveness of quickly assigning labels to people and then letting those labels define how I engage with them. As depressing as that sounds, being more mindful of how I engage with others through this heightened state of awareness has allowed me to work on fixing those parts of my identity that I may feel don’t entirely line up with my beliefs. My consciousness allows me to diagnose my problems and work on healing them.
“The Truth Resists Simplicity.”
- John Green
Juxtaposition and being critical of who we are can be a really beneficial tool, but it can also be a damaging one. The process of critical self awareness should not be a process about shaming. Our differences are what make us unique. Even qualities that we have that we don’t like do not make us inherently bad people – we are all much more complex than that. So, should you be in this process of trying to reimagine who you are to align better with your beliefs, remember that you are a person capable of infinite greatness and remember to show yourself some empathy.
Until Next Time…