As I lay on my bed looking around my room, I’m just now realizing what a disastrous mess it is. Two suitcases lying out, surrounded by clothes, bottles, bags, and socks are what engulf my pink, striped carpet. However, it’s not the mess in my room that’s overwhelming me. It’s the fact that I’m completely alone.
Okay, I’m not completely alone. My brother is in the room next door, typing away on his computer. My mother and father are downstairs, washing dishes and talking quietly. And I know my best friend is only a phone call away (saying goodbye to her was rough). But despite having them so close, I feel them already far away. And that scares me.
Going abroad is inherently a lonely experience. No matter how many friends we make or people we’re surrounded by on the streets, we start the journey and end the journey by ourselves. I’m not saying this as a bad thing, but just a dose of reality.
I’ve always found the hardest part of going abroad to be leaving the people I love. It’s easy to distract ourselves by meeting other people and forming new friendships. But they don’t know us to our core. They haven’t been with us through thick and thin, knowing who we are without having to explain ourselves to them. Not that these friendships aren’t special too, because they are! Just… different.
But aren’t we going abroad to be alone in a sense? We’re stripping away all sense of our comfort zone, knowingly entering an unknown world where people say different things and act in different ways than we’re used to. We are at our most vulnerable; a place where getting lost is easy, actually extremely likely.
And there’s something exciting about that feeling! Maybe it’s because it’s a metaphor for life in a way. We enter this world alone and leave it that way too. And the more we are in that vulnerable state, the more we can discover who we really are to understand ourselves on a whole new level. Being vulnerable definitely draws out our true selves. And at this age, isn’t that something we all want, in fact crave?
I am 5 days away from starting the adventure of a life time and I’m so excited to meet new people and learn about a new culture! But ultimately I’m excited to learn about myself, gaining a new sense of independence. By the end of the trip, I hope to no longer be afraid of being alone, but rather embrace it.