It’s hard to realize how much something in your past will affect you in life until the moment when you feel that shift of energy that says “Remember me? I’m still here.” This can work with positive things, like the realization that the summer camp you worked at impacts how you interact with and view the world now. It can also be applied to negative situations and traumatic events. After dealing with that sort of event and believing that it has been exhumed and disposed of, sometimes you become faced with an event, a situation, a moment, where you hear the old foe knocking once more.
I thought I had successfully extracted the little monsters that linger inside of me a while ago. I was sure that therapy and some cathartic art projects had done the trick and that from then on I would be immune to any sort of triggers that might creep up on me. Alas, the short time frame that I had invested had not magically cured me of the things I carry inside me. My mind still time travels when I am reminded of things that have happened, whether they be direct references or conversations with new friends where they talk about these sorts of issues without knowing that I also live with them.
It’s especially difficult trying to navigate these sort of situations when in a new place surrounded by some people that you really don’t know. You stand at these interesting crossroads of (1) telling them everything and risking be sent back in time to go through the pain again, (2) don’t tell them anything because you don’t want to bring down the mood or make them think you’re broken. Especially in today’s world – regardless of where you are- I find that it can be difficult to discuss these things because everyone is so used to people claiming to have anxiety and depression that they no longer approach the situation with any sort of empathy. When you are on the other side of the world, away from your support system, it can be really challenging and unpleasant to try and solve this sort of experience.
Although this sort of reminder can be unpleasant- since the memories often bring their gang of depression, anxiety, reclusiveness, etc.,- they are really important in helping you realize where you stand. It can remind you of how far you’ve come and how far you still are able to go. These little monsters have moved in and made themselves part of my mental landscape and being reminded of their existence helps guide me as to how I should travel. They help me navigate through life and alert me when testing my limits has set me into the panic zone as opposed to my challenge zone.
For the time being, I will utilize these tips and tricks on how to navigate my life to help me deal with these sort of everyday triggers. Hopefully, through writing and reading and creating I can work to reduce the impact of potential triggers and if that doesn’t work then the uni has counseling available.
Thanks for listening…
Until Next Time…