{"id":11006,"date":"2018-05-14T11:41:30","date_gmt":"2018-05-14T15:41:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/social.rollins.edu\/wpsites\/letters\/?p=11006"},"modified":"2019-07-09T16:58:39","modified_gmt":"2019-07-09T16:58:39","slug":"the-end-via-france","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.rollins.edu\/letters\/2018\/05\/14\/the-end-via-france\/","title":{"rendered":"The End\u2014Via France"},"content":{"rendered":"

My semester abroad is officially over.<\/p>\n

I ended it by taking one last opportunity to run around Europe, by visiting some friends in the very small town of Arcy-sur-Cure in Borgognes, France.<\/p>\n

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Arcy is a small town\u2014so small, it’s home to only 500 inhabitants. Every time you cross someone in the street, you must say “Bonjour”; if you’re introduced to a stranger, it’s a friend’s closest confidante, so you must kiss both cheeks. It’s exactly the kind of place I never really believed existed. And yet, here it was.<\/p>\n

I spent my time in Arcy helping around the aubgerge my friends own, reveling over 6-course French meals made by an amazing chef, interpreting between\u00a0languages for the guests, fitting a newly-built addition to the structure, and biking across the countryside with house dog Billy in search of a vast field in which to read my favorite novel… in French.<\/p>\n

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I did a lot, but a lot of the time I did absolutely nothing, except think about the ways I’ve changed this semester. I could list those, but I think what challenged me more\u2014and I imagine what challenges many students upon leaving their host country\u2014are the insidious ways in which I’ve\u00a0not<\/em> changed.<\/p>\n

I’ve become more outspoken, candid, and settled in my personality; all of these things are true miracles and blessings that I wake up grateful for every day. But even having accomplished so many of my goals in a hospitable and warm city far, far away from home\u2014I still have some of the same problems Amanda from Orlando, Florida had a year ago.<\/p>\n

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I only have two speeds: full ahead or glacial crawl. I take medication for a mental illness. I miss people dearly\u2014often more than I imagine they can miss me.<\/p>\n

After getting back from France, I spent all of Saturday in bed. I steamrolled through my Netflix list, ate half a box of second-rate grocery store cookies, and did nothing. This kind of “blue” day, as my friends and I have come to call them, snuck up on Orlando Amanda all the time\u2014but surely New and Improved, Enlightened, Confident & Healthy Amanda could fend off such a disgraceful day?<\/p>\n

No.<\/p>\n

I’ve wrestled with the permanence of that blueness in my life all weekend, until today, when I got up early to do the shopping, did my yoga, sorted out my calendar, made appointments, sat down to write this… when I was functional. Eating cucumber slices instead of cookies. And I just realized\u2014<\/p>\n

It’s not about losing the blue. It’s about gaining all the other colors.<\/p>\n

Having new experiences and growing isn’t about shedding the old things (even though we might want to); it’s about deepening who we are. If I arrived in London as a cosmo, a kind of mess of dreams and troubles and skills and failings, I left London a single nebula, a cluster of focused, inspired energy. It still gets hot in some places and cold in others; some days I shine brightly and other days I don’t. But I think gaining what I have is still a gift.<\/p>\n

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I’m growing into myself. That’s what studying abroad did for me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My semester abroad is officially over. I ended it by taking one last opportunity to run around Europe, by visiting some friends in the very small town of Arcy-sur-Cure in Borgognes, France. Arcy is a small town\u2014so small, it’s home to only 500 inhabitants. Every time you cross someone in the street, you must say…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":25,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[48],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11006","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-capa"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.rollins.edu\/letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11006","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.rollins.edu\/letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.rollins.edu\/letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.rollins.edu\/letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/25"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.rollins.edu\/letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11006"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.rollins.edu\/letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11006\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13945,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.rollins.edu\/letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11006\/revisions\/13945"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.rollins.edu\/letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11006"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.rollins.edu\/letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11006"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.rollins.edu\/letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11006"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}